Creating a Beautiful Life

How to Live a Life Worth Living

You are the most precious, delicious, awesome person in the world. You do not deserve to die. You love your friends and your country. The world is huge and you are in it; and it is good.

The first step to creating a beautiful life is to sell all of your belongings which do not serve your immediate survival needs. Sell your television, your couch, your bathrobe, your favorite shoes, your golf club, your guitar, your sword, your guns, your kimono, your wig, your dog, your dining table and if you own a secondary mode of transportation, sell that too.

Once you have removed all non-essential belongings, the second step is to cut out all the people in your life who have ever wronged you in a notable way. You are to ghost your parents. Delete your ex-partner’s contact information. Block your best friend. Cut things off with your second best friend too. Upon purging the toxic people from your life, you will be free. You will have more time on your hands. Plenty of time to meditate and train for your eventual retirement at the age of 120.

Step three is to eat right. You are eating fast food at your lunch break and ordering takeout for dinner. Instead, every single day you must spend approximately one hour preparing and packing your lunch. You have options here: a sandwich or a salad. When you are home from work, you will spend another two hours cooking your dinner with affordable ingredients. You will spend thirty minutes eating your dinner. You will spend thirty minutes cleaning the dishes, silverware, pots, pans, leftovers and glasses which you used to prepare the meal. Your evening dinner routine is three hours long, which saves you money in the long run. This is a joyous thing.

Step four is to work hard. Plan ahead. Don’t wait. You will awake before the sun rises and begin your day. Stretch your muscles, spend thirty minutes preparing a breakfast (then thirty minutes to eat it), then your workout routine. Your body must be prepared for the strenuous day ahead working in the hot sun. Spend 30 minutes reading in order to build up the mental capacity that you will lose after spending the entire day nearly fainting at your job. Working hard is the most crucial step in creating a beautiful life. Work hard in everything you do or don’t do it at all. Work hard even when you are not on the clock. Laundry, filling out taxes, calling your loved ones (who have not wronged you in a notable way), washing your dishes, cleaning your toilet, dusting the fan, dusting the window sills, sweeping the kitchen floor, taking out the trash, showering, unloading the dishwasher, mowing the lawn, attending a conference, organizing your socks, making your bed, making sure all of your bills are paid, brushing your teeth, seeing to all the needs— emotional and physical — of your romantic partner and make sure your home is not in any way susceptible to any form of bug or rodent infestation.

Step five is stop drinking, and stop going out. This may seem like the sort of thing that can be adjusted into a reasonable schedule, but no. If you want to work hard, make money and live a long happy life, you can no longer engage in social or recreational drinking or drug use. Cut out everyone in your life who indulges. Find friends who never drink, never do drugs and never go out dancing. Dancing is wrong, because it is work without pay and it exhausts your energy that you should save up for your job.

Step six is to get better sleep. It can be difficult to get into the habit, but it is crucial for creating a beautiful life. Sleeping 8 to 10 hours is essential to the human body for keeping a sound mind and healthy body. So, once you have eaten your dinner, showered and meditated, you are to immediately fall asleep. This should be easy having eliminated all the basic distractions from your life. If your phone which you require for your job is tempting you to stay up, place the phone on the other side of your bedroom every night. Go to bed early every night and if you are unable to sleep for whatever reason, consult a doctor immediately.

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